The final Slumber

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How dare I.
Live through it all.
How dare I be after my time.
I should have left the day I fell asleep
Though I've yet to waken from this curse
There is something so empty about a child out of reach
Something ............
Nothing I feel
Nothing I taste
Nothing here in my death that I live
It's hard to explain to the living the nothing I feel
The desire to convince just isn't there
There is nothing I want nor a thing that I need
I am blind and deaf
I've seen and heard too much
More than what perhaps one is meant to
I wasn't equipped for such evils
I learned just the same
Words really mean nothing
How when there is no expectation
could the disappointment be so grand
I've let me down ...again
I can't depend on me for a thing
I'm just not there
At least not for myself in these times
I need to get up to get out
Feel some sunlight and sweat
I am paralyzed by something
A big nothing ...my world
what actually happened?
was there a time when something was there?
When somebody cared?
I know there was
Yet somehow lost the details
The clarity..myself
On what day did it happen
Where was I...asleep
So hard to awake when you're not there
draws me in ..to nothing
Won't let me go..myself perhaps
Strength only last for a day
Then back to all that doesn't matter
Slumber again..still..until death
Hate deficient in my world
Reason I could never relate
Birds of no alike feathers
In the skies I occupied
Is that why I retreated to the nest?
Is that why I stayed?
perhaps I never really left
Nor did I need to ..do I yet
I can't change them or make them see
I can't save them ..not even me
It used to be they wouldn't listen
Now I'm unable to speak
I'll be awake real soon
Ready and willing
Stronger than life
I'll dare to be
despite them all
Failure to rediscover dreams
To recall if ever they were
Creation of new dreams
Dare to be Free of the Slumber
Strength of Me
I died that day
Whenever that was
I'll reinvent myself once again
I've got a few more times left
Before the final Slumber




My personal thoughts used to be a run on sentence, Now,they are nothing but (thought) fragments.