Technorati Profile Hot Cup of Java.......: Officially Cold

Monday, October 24, 2005

Officially Cold

I'm so not turning any heater on yet but I am, as of this moment, cold. Solution is some pasta with lots of garlic and spices. That will warm me up for some time to come. I miss Summer like crazy.
We had a blast the other night at mini golf. I'm so glad I went. I really wan't up to the people thing aka the leaving the house thing, but went anyways. The batteries in my camera kept threatening to die. I must invest in a charger and rechargables. I'm using it far too much not to. I also must invest in a huge memory card as I need to up my mega pixels. I've got it set on the poorest quality currently to insure I'm able to take as many pics as I need.

I feel like I'm catching a cold yet I refused to give completely in to it aside from my oj consumption and need for extra sleep. I guess drinking some extra water wouldn't be a bad idea either.

I wonder if anyone actually visits buzznet anymore?

I'm at a strange point at work. I'm not burning out as I recognise those signs well. It's still as if I have come to a point where I need to make a decision. Shall I stay or shall I go??? Working with the elderly makes you think. You think about quality of life issues. You think about your own age and future. The minute you feel as though you have it all figured out, something or someone changes all that. People of all ages are so different. The will to live is amazing. Yet, the ways in which a person gives up in other ways is frightening. There are alot of bitter and resentful individuals amongst the elderly as with any age I suppose. There are also alot of ederly that are almost too appreciative for the things that they should expect. I know that their families vary extremely. Some almost need to think about why their loved ones are there to begin with. The ones that have tried to take care of them on their own are very appreciative and kind. It's the ones that have no clue that somehow expect the caregivers to make their loved ones healthy and young again. It's hard to face for most that their loved ones are aging and will die. I can see how it would effect all involved. One has to focus on quality of life and ways of encouraging the most independance as possible. Daily living skills. It's hard to understand for some people that we are all just one accident away from losing our independance. I think about these things everyday in an attempt to advocate for the residents and to comfort them. I make them laugh as often as I can. I listen when they cry. I am there when they need to yell at someone or when they need someone to hold their hand. I do alot more then physically assist them. I leave work ready to fall asleep at the wheel in more ways then one. I leave there mad at times. I'm always happy to go back though. I usually have some new hope for alot of the things they are faced with. Some are very confused--mostly all are scared. Some feel like they have been deserted. Sone feel like they are a burden. There are some that are ready to die. Sometimes a person convinces you they are at that stage and suddenly regains skills and ability. It's difficult at times just determining if you should encourage them to get up and go eat etc., or just order them a room tray and leave them be. I get a strong gut feeling at times that I ALWAYS listen to. It's the ones that tell me to slow down and take that extra 10 minutes or so that I listen the closest to. It usually means that so in so will not be there when I return to work the next day.
I make it a point not to have regrets. Especially the regrets that can be avoided.

I'm one of those people that just notice too much. I'm in tune with the people that others don't understand(or claim they don't). Sometimes I look at a person and almost feel their pain/emotions. I have met people that simply have no soul. I have met only a few other people like myself in this aspect. We usually look to each other as if to say, "You seen that too didn't you?" I guess most people have worked so hard to get away from instinct that they have become civilized idiots. I'ts as though all they have is their learned skills behaviors and body languages. Real isn't like that. Real is hard to come by. Real is very tiring ...
That is not to say that I read everyone--it's a little different than that. It's hard for me to understand or catch on to a lot of decietful people for instance. I don't practice deciet so it's sometimes hard for me to identify it immediately. I guess it's like this; if I say someone is good ---I could have been fooled, but, If I say they are bad you better believe it as I have never been wrong about that.

I'm rambling ---- but I'm thinking. As usual, I'm not expressing very well. That is ok though. I have learned to forgive myself. I tolerate others in hopes they will tolerate my faults.

I think it's this time of year. Halloween and booom, it's xmas. It's exciting and beautiful but stressful just the same. It's the only time of year that I wish I was financially rich. To be able to pay the utility bills, rent, keep gas in the car, decorate, eat and buy presents would be awesome! I hope that space heater holds up--I have two of them to heat what rooms I can. Usually they trip a breaker and out into the cold I go to fix it--wish it was inside the house. My fingers are cold now--I dread actual winter. It's kind of funny to think of how the landlord would survive if he had to live in his very house lmao !!! He would be trying to call the national guard in or something lol Xmas time is usually the time that the rich landlords try to up the rent too. That is the number one time of year people become homeless. Scary.

And to all a Good Blog..........


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