The child shopping represents money to me. Money that utility companies keep asking for and I make less of as time goes on. The sound of a truck is all I need to make me fight off thoughts of panic and sometimes guilt for not making more money. Money. I've been thinking a lot about that lately. More so, work. I think of how you spend 8-12 hours per day at work and want some outdoor-family-chores-and creative time. You throw sleep time into the mix and you may as well just stay at work. Travel and get ready time rob from your time--and add to work time. I need an outdoor creative job that pays the bills so I can spend more time with family etc. I guess this is more about Time. That is a topic that seems to be coming up more and more lately. Time flies when you need more of it. No fun necessary.
We were hit with an absence recently, not a death, yet we are mourning, although we don't admit it. Sorrow. Strength, love and support. It's all we can do. The lack of power is enough to set you into despair if you let it. We don't let it. :-)
I strive not to be bitter. I know that wrong doing tinged with the least little nobility is frowned upon worse than any cold and calculated act. Sometimes it's better to be blind and oblivious like so many others have mastered. The art of ignorance.
A petty thing is also nagging me a little although it's rather humorous. Why do otherwise kind friends try their best to drag you down? In one and or most breaths, they speak ever so highly of you, yet can't resist the digs? Why do people place such value on such ridiculous things and not see the beauty all around? As I'm steadily trying to lift someones spirits they are working just as hard to crush mine. Is it for hobby?
I've been thinking about strange things --I've figured out that for some people to be happy, nice is out of the question. I always felt one should be brave enough to be kind. But I've always sort of stood on my own with that one. It's become so apparent lately too. These fonts will never be spoken by me mind you :-) But really, happy=mean. Then there are the nice who are never happy. Balance people. I seriously feel, Be kind or I get mean=unhappy. So now there is a new term --Aggressive Kindness. Some things should make you mad/sad. Enough to even take action. Hows this, you are doing a portrait and there are 10 people in the area. 9 are young, laughing (most likely at someone's expense) and visually nice looking. There is one old, wrinkled, person not frowning, but with a sagging mouth and old laugh lines. Who do you choose? With me it may be one of the nine if there seems to be a story to tell, but most likely I will see the beauty in the 10th one. All those lines may tell a longer story. There is that nice vs happy thing again. Is it nice to ignore who may need the most attention? Oh yeah, the nice thing is not happy--forgot.
Dare to think and I'm talking to myself. I was never afraid to think things through, yet lately, it's as though thought prevents me from doing anything at all ever. My thoughts are all over the place and won't even pick up after themselves. I need to throw them out with those snakes.
I also need to not think of the thief who is stealing water. Soon I won't pay the bill and won't have to worry about it lol. But they could at least hook my hose back up so the never ending drip will water my dog like I set it up too. I would give them water as I even have lovely strong jugs to donate to them. But I suppose they prefer leaving evidence behind to piss me off and make my dog suffer in 100 degree weather. Luckily I check on my Leo frequently but still, what if?
My son's little dog turned up missing(from his house) with no trace. We all miss the little bugger. I'm hoping he is with someone who loves him.
I have two children with broken phones that they can't use---bill has already been paid. By the time they are replaced and on--I'll need them to pay the bill so mine doesn't get shut off along with theirs. I have another child who broke a phone but I wasn't paying that bill and he decided he enjoyed his life more without one. I'm beginning to see his point. When my phone rings it's someone who wants to borrow something, wants to talk to or about someone else, has some strange demand of my time, or is a wrong number. I don't have bill collectors as if I can't afford it --I don't have it.
Wow, this was like a long bed time story. I don't know how therapeutic it was, but it was definitely effective lol Perhaps I've just taken out the trash (of thoughts) or at least a portion of it.
Every little drop counts.