Technorati Profile Hot Cup of Java.......: 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005

Saturday, October 29, 2005


There are a few advantages in the birds leaving the nest. One of which is getting an invite to dinner, No cooking and no cleaning makes for a more enjoyable meal.
I think their decor is great for young folks. They always leave a light on for the old bird in the nest lol.

Great evening complete with lots of photo oppurtunities.

Signs of full bellies

I thought the idea of sitting on cushions was great. Italian meal made by Americans Asian style. We tried to watch a movie together but most of us fell asleep. Me and the lil bird flew home after a wonderful evening.

I think a real life horror this Halloween is the construction near 71st and highway 75. Everyone said don't worry the ramp is open so long as you head east and not west. Ok. So off my fool ass went down the scariest, most unclear, winding, and never ending, pitch black exit in the world. Even scarier on the way back as you are not really sure where the entrance is in the dark and the cones and barrels just sort of make vague suggestions as to where you should go. Keep left, keep left, and then stay right, stay right of what? Just take a guess as fellow travelors are just as confused. Heaven help someone from out of state. The signs are totally confusing. Creepy, as you anticipate a truck hitting you head on. I won't mention what the huge drop offs look like. Eeeks.

Halloween is coming.........

So I'm thinking maybe if I shut my eyes really tight the shadow will go away. Instead I grab my camera. (then play with picasa lol)

Monday, October 24, 2005

Officially Cold

I'm so not turning any heater on yet but I am, as of this moment, cold. Solution is some pasta with lots of garlic and spices. That will warm me up for some time to come. I miss Summer like crazy.
We had a blast the other night at mini golf. I'm so glad I went. I really wan't up to the people thing aka the leaving the house thing, but went anyways. The batteries in my camera kept threatening to die. I must invest in a charger and rechargables. I'm using it far too much not to. I also must invest in a huge memory card as I need to up my mega pixels. I've got it set on the poorest quality currently to insure I'm able to take as many pics as I need.

I feel like I'm catching a cold yet I refused to give completely in to it aside from my oj consumption and need for extra sleep. I guess drinking some extra water wouldn't be a bad idea either.

I wonder if anyone actually visits buzznet anymore?

I'm at a strange point at work. I'm not burning out as I recognise those signs well. It's still as if I have come to a point where I need to make a decision. Shall I stay or shall I go??? Working with the elderly makes you think. You think about quality of life issues. You think about your own age and future. The minute you feel as though you have it all figured out, something or someone changes all that. People of all ages are so different. The will to live is amazing. Yet, the ways in which a person gives up in other ways is frightening. There are alot of bitter and resentful individuals amongst the elderly as with any age I suppose. There are also alot of ederly that are almost too appreciative for the things that they should expect. I know that their families vary extremely. Some almost need to think about why their loved ones are there to begin with. The ones that have tried to take care of them on their own are very appreciative and kind. It's the ones that have no clue that somehow expect the caregivers to make their loved ones healthy and young again. It's hard to face for most that their loved ones are aging and will die. I can see how it would effect all involved. One has to focus on quality of life and ways of encouraging the most independance as possible. Daily living skills. It's hard to understand for some people that we are all just one accident away from losing our independance. I think about these things everyday in an attempt to advocate for the residents and to comfort them. I make them laugh as often as I can. I listen when they cry. I am there when they need to yell at someone or when they need someone to hold their hand. I do alot more then physically assist them. I leave work ready to fall asleep at the wheel in more ways then one. I leave there mad at times. I'm always happy to go back though. I usually have some new hope for alot of the things they are faced with. Some are very confused--mostly all are scared. Some feel like they have been deserted. Sone feel like they are a burden. There are some that are ready to die. Sometimes a person convinces you they are at that stage and suddenly regains skills and ability. It's difficult at times just determining if you should encourage them to get up and go eat etc., or just order them a room tray and leave them be. I get a strong gut feeling at times that I ALWAYS listen to. It's the ones that tell me to slow down and take that extra 10 minutes or so that I listen the closest to. It usually means that so in so will not be there when I return to work the next day.
I make it a point not to have regrets. Especially the regrets that can be avoided.

I'm one of those people that just notice too much. I'm in tune with the people that others don't understand(or claim they don't). Sometimes I look at a person and almost feel their pain/emotions. I have met people that simply have no soul. I have met only a few other people like myself in this aspect. We usually look to each other as if to say, "You seen that too didn't you?" I guess most people have worked so hard to get away from instinct that they have become civilized idiots. I'ts as though all they have is their learned skills behaviors and body languages. Real isn't like that. Real is hard to come by. Real is very tiring ...
That is not to say that I read everyone--it's a little different than that. It's hard for me to understand or catch on to a lot of decietful people for instance. I don't practice deciet so it's sometimes hard for me to identify it immediately. I guess it's like this; if I say someone is good ---I could have been fooled, but, If I say they are bad you better believe it as I have never been wrong about that.

I'm rambling ---- but I'm thinking. As usual, I'm not expressing very well. That is ok though. I have learned to forgive myself. I tolerate others in hopes they will tolerate my faults.

I think it's this time of year. Halloween and booom, it's xmas. It's exciting and beautiful but stressful just the same. It's the only time of year that I wish I was financially rich. To be able to pay the utility bills, rent, keep gas in the car, decorate, eat and buy presents would be awesome! I hope that space heater holds up--I have two of them to heat what rooms I can. Usually they trip a breaker and out into the cold I go to fix it--wish it was inside the house. My fingers are cold now--I dread actual winter. It's kind of funny to think of how the landlord would survive if he had to live in his very house lmao !!! He would be trying to call the national guard in or something lol Xmas time is usually the time that the rich landlords try to up the rent too. That is the number one time of year people become homeless. Scary.

And to all a Good Blog..........

Sunday, October 23, 2005


So far we know that album builder on sucks and is worthless while it hogs precious space on your pc===Poof it be gone. Flickr is ok but it's affiliated with yahoo yet you can't post directly to 360 nor can you display it's "badge" there with any ease. Blogger is number one. Mindsay has the most active comments within it's community. It is a yong adult community for the most part yet there a few of us oldies. Awesome for artists of all ages. Photobucket is the best of its kind and the easiest to use. Picasa is good as an editor, to get photos from your digital, and to store in specific folders. It is also extremely fast to gather all images. Hello doesn't actually thrill me. However, blogger upload does grande. I love my HP digital but the software that came with it sucks. I don't need it anyways. Google Talk, I'll never know about as it isn't compatible with my OS = Poof! It be gone too. Gmail is the bomb! Best email ever. Firefox is still the best browser and I just like purple bunny cause it's a great concept and can be useful. FF beta solved issues I had with blogger immediately but you will have to update your purple bunny toolbar. Ok, the bunny is cute too. He can juggle and all.
Stay tuned..................

Friday, October 21, 2005





Thursday, October 20, 2005

Tonight's moon and streetlight. (I wanted the contrast-but it wasn't good for showing the spooky looking clouds........

It's so hard to explain to an infant why you would voluntarily take her to a place, sit there and let them stab her 3 times and not kill the fools who dare hurt her. She was brave and forgiving however.

Jennia's lil digital cam.

It just looked so pretty blue on the way to my grandbaby's house.

Damn construction-- again.

Oh yeah, the little man hurried to cut me off and proceded on to drive like a snail in front of me. You can see the shadow of the car beside me in the next lane. Luckily, he pulled off onto the grass and to the next exit rather quickly after this shot. Hmm.

She always looks at Granny this way!

She is so talented with her "holding own bottle" technique she devised. She is four months old now ---officially "Baby". She is well on her way to becoming a full fledged "Kid". I think we won't focus on "Toddler" as I haven't actually recovered from those times yet lol.

I'll be looking for some actual autumn images in the near future.

Monday, October 17, 2005


The people who have used this ashtray! Me for one, every day, every break. This is a "real" ashtray like a "no joke" sort of ashtray. The sounds of BS gently fade away as I focus my attention on this very ashtray. The secret ashtray lol.
More dashboard scanning.
I tried to avoid construction and ran into this --other construction. Seems like everywhere you turn there is long term construction going on. They are no doubt getting paid by the hour?
The daisy in this pic is none other than my humming bird attracting antenna ornament.
Athough fall is here, we have been doing some long needed Spring cleaning. It's exhausting work but we managed to find homes for tons of clothes. Most near new and name brand. Our cat helped where he could along the way. We still have more sorting to do as we have not yet tackled the dreaded closet nor the storage house. This should be fun. I can wait lol.
Typical view on my way to work. My dashboard cam can't resist. Note* no fall colors as of yet. :0(
The kiddos made my day(bday) with this mother's necklace that includes my stone, my five bambinos, and my grand angel. I love my babies.
Not bad for a pic of a pic of a pic of my doggie LEO. He is awesome. If you look close you can see my reflection as I took the final shot lol.
I still have some color in my yard despite the leaves not changing around these parts. I had tons of these butterfly attracting Tithonias. That is until my son desided to tie his doggy within feet of a group of them. RIP ...ah the Tithonias, not the doggy. That is ok as I still have this group of them left complete with at least 100 butterflies at times.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Today, I'm here

I'm awake, it's a new day and my camera's on it's way. I've got smokes, coffee, and no one has called yet. I've got an hour to play before getting ready for work. I have a check to deposit and no bills due today. This is the life lol. It may not last long but it only has to last until midnight. Then it's a new day with new adventures.
I did get a call from the young man described in the gossip post. I guess, instead of appoligizing or covering up, he was trying to feel things out. He said he just called to mess with me. I almost told him he had done enough of that the other night with his lies. But, I didn't. Instead I just talked about nothing for a breif time, not even trying to disguise the truth in my voice. I think he got it.
It's kind of sad, as though we had "broke up" in some sort of way.
Work is going well other than being understaffed.
I hate that fall is here. I miss the summer fun. At least if it were colorful like up north, it would be something. It's just sort of cold, dark, and light brown here.
The docter's office wrote me to tell me to come in. Next week, perhaps.
I have to set up an appt for insurance (health) sometime soon.
My son is going to visit a lady at the nursing home who requested to see him. Her eyes lit up when she found he was perfectly willing, in fact eager to share his company while talking with her about JC. I'm happy for them. I'm possitive it will renew her love of life and comfort her about her departure from it.
I'm very proud of all my children with their contributions in life.
I miss my grandbaby as it's been 12 hours since I've seen her last. She is so cute and smart.
My daughter is being a very loving and attentive mother. She is so in tune with the baby's needs and wants.
My eldest son got a new pup for his birthday. Cute little beast he is. Ah, that is, the dog. Son is cute too --more so to the girls at work apparently lol.
I have a wire stabbing me in the side. My bra is starting to make me feel like some poor, wanna be, low tech, espionage agent working for chump change. Soon I will have that little antenne thing digging in my cleavage. I'll be faced with the decision of whether or not to rip it out. I know not to take out just one though --that whole triangular shaped boob thing is so not cool. I lost a wire once when staying at my friends house. Her whole family tried to guess what it was. One thought it was a hair band while the other tried to play horse shoes with it. The look on their faces when the item was identified was priceless.

It's getting close to the time where I venture out into the unknown and leave the security and solitude of my humble abode. I may leave part of me here so I will have something familar and safe to return to when the time comes. The kids and the pets are ever changing. I'll give me a report of the days events upon return lol.

As always, life is good.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


Currently, my house is a dark, dim and dismal disaster area with a big beautiful pot of bright yellow flowers in the middle of the livingroom that somehow, steals the attention from the junk. My middle boy and his girl gave me these for my birthday along with a giftcard, wallet and a well picked out greeting card. We watched a movie and ate a modest feast last night together. Perfect laid back evening. We ate on paper using plasticware. No worries, it was nice........

I had to make a decision the other day. I had some friends in a near by city who will have to be once per year acquaintences or less. They live for, love, and create chaos. They like to pretend that they can't stand it and are "thrown" into it. In realty, thru their lies and gossip, they create it. I knew the woman of the house had it in her to do this, but it baffled me that the young man was more of washwoman than she. He may as well start wearing dresses and a bandana. But I guess that would ruin the "surprise" for everyone.
It was late at night by the time I got home from work. I called over there with pure intentions. I wanted to let the young man know I got him an everyday ride into his trade school. Turns out he was too worried about his convenience getting home etc. Seems it wasn't that important to him afterall. One would think getting the early morning ride in would be the hard part and the casual bus ride to a mile from home in the afternoon could be worked out. But no. Ok fine. He thanked me alright, but had to go on about a phone call he received that just totally got the entire house hold upset to the point they couldn't eat dinner etc ( of course it had nothing to do with the fact that the lady of the house just got in her damn self) I don't even want to cover all the twisted details of his delusion or her dementia but, basically; He told me THE CALLS STARTED AT 9 AND ENDED AT 9:30. actually one call placed at 8:15. SAID MY SON BEGAN USING DRUGS AND WAS BEATING HIS WOMAN actually his gf said he would never hit her and hasn't done drugs. WAS ON FOOT AND IN DANGER OF LOSING ALL POSSESSIONS. actually was told to get word to her as to when to cook supper or if they are going out.
A little voice told me not to bite on this, but also being human and not knowing at the time why anyone would lie, and having terrible pictures of my son on a rampage on drugs naked with no possessions possibly running from the law or something, I was beginning to freak. I asked to speak to the lady of the house and she is the one that, while she tried to make as though she actually believed this, revealed the truth accidentally. She had said she didn't want the girl calling there and to be "put in the middle of the drama" she then put on an act as if she were just trying to sit down and eat her supper. Like this wouldn't have been right up her alley anyways.
Ok like one phone call asking them if they seen my son (who they pretend is like family), to have him call. These people had 3 hours to sit and concoct a story. They told me in order to what? Worry me since I'm such a good friend like family? They did this in hopes of having a more exciting story to tell a worried mother? Or do they not worry so assume I wouldn't either? After I dug out the truth, which only took a call or two, I went to bed. Ok, I skipped the part where I called them to tell them, "since somehow this story got messed up in the translation(NOT! As the lie was created immediately upon hang up), I thought I would set your mind at rest and tell you that they are together and fine after a verbal argument."
I woke up early the next morning thinking, fuck it. These people had no concern for me making up stuff for their own sick entertainment. This is what they do and I have to accept that. Hard to call such people friends. I don't get bored where I make up tragedy like this and try to get people upset. And yes if my son got on drugs and beat women it would upset me. I would have to take action and somehow encourage a break up and counseling/rehab or whatever the situation called for. For them to take a simple phone call and pretend to be concerned for the girl they hate to begin with, and turn it into this is sick. Perhaps they were hoping to make this girl look like the liar. Frankly I'm not wasting any more time guessing. Its time to move on. They should have saved their gossip for their own dinner table--not shared with me after a long days work.
The man of the house probably sat as usual shaking his head in silence like I've seen him do in the past while they brewed up sheer evil. Regardless of their reasons for doing this I have decided to remove them from my world. I choose realty as opposed to their fantasy. In truth, it was rather expensive to be their friend anyways.

My best friend moved to Georgia some time ago. I'm perfectly willing to just have my work associates. I have my family which includes our dog and cat. That is all I need. And, of course, I have the internet lol. There is drama and deceit here too but I can just minimize if need be lol.

I'm still waiting on my digital as it's been back ordered. It's always good to have something to look forward to.

I have decided that I do not hate these people. I am trying to understand that they are just sort of hermits and get bored. But I just can't burden myself with them if they think their storytelling is more important than my feelings. I just simply don't have room for negative people in my life. There is enough mandatory negative we are faced with- without opting for additional sources. I have always looked out for their feelings and covered for their weirdness. It has become more difficult over the years. I never expected them to be as fair nor as tolerant as I was with them, but this last stunt was just too shameful on their part. I just really can't come up with anymore excuses for them. I'm just not into self inflicted misery.

I think I will go see the grandbaby today. We may just take a nap together hee hee hee.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Java time

Morning hours cause the hands on my clock to spin at the speed of light. I wish I could slow down that time I have before work. Hardly enough time for my coffee (which I am brewing right now)

My new cam is on it's way and I'm so excited. I've finally given in to the digital thing. It's an HP, which, after some research, turned out to be the best of the semi-cheapys. I almost went for Fuji and considered Sony. The Olympus I wanted that comes out this month cost more than what I could justify spending. Their cheaper ones didnt seem to be priced in accordance to the mp's the provided.

I hobbled thru Wally World last night, in search of some new shoes for work. It was a desperate attempt to fight back at the pain my dogs have been putting me thru. We will see. Once you injure a foot--No shoe feels right for a long time to come. So........I went the cheap route! My heels feel like I'm walking on rocks and the rest of my foot just simply feels like its being squeezed in a vise and on fire at the same time. This esculates with each step I take. I bought shoes while my feet where still swollen. Perhaps this will help with this matter. I buprofen, vitamins, dvd, and shoes. The cashier seemed to relate.

What is up with people and instant messenging? I get offline messages that seem to be angry at the fact I haven't been online. No, in fact, they are in disbelief that I haven't been online. I don't get it. Trust me if I were avoiding you .........scratch that. I don't avoid. I would tell you the hell off if I had a problem with ya. I guess there is just so many dishonest people that they just assume everyone is like them. Many times I will get online without turning on any form of messenger knowing I won't stay on long and just need to find something out or check on something. When I finally do get on messenger I get these nutty messages asking if I'm mad or something or talking as though I was there and just not responding. Insecurety/paranoia? Whatever. A lot of times I will offline someone with a simple Hi or to wish them a happy whatever holliday. I don't worry about a response nor do I assume they must be ignoring me if I don't get one. Dear God, please don't tell me I'm that much better adjusted. lmao.

In truth, I sometimes feel that I do take things in stride better than the next guy. The things I take to heart are the things I feel that we should take to heart. Such as people in need, just Important things. I find the people that dwell on everything are the same ones who shut their blinds when the next door lady is screaming before she lands in a heap of bloody dispear. The ones that go deaf. The same ones that litter on the earth yet preach of how good they are. Their intentions are usally unpure but their focus is almost always solely on themselves and their "problems". Their problems usually turn out to be self inflicted or non existant in reality. I guess I have learned too much tolerance if that is at all possible. I don't cry about little things-I'm greatful the huge things have passed. I don't get lonely-I celebrate solitude. The past doesn't make me bitter--I see it as a toolbox. The memories are the tools in which I can select for each current situation. The sun rises and there are so many beautiful things to celebrate in this world. We choose. I forget sometimes that I live below poverty level or I work a job that can be brutal both physically and mentally. I forget that people judge me. I foget that I am getting older and fatter lol. I feel young like my life has just started. Sometimes I am so thrilled when I realised I am in fact old enough know to do this or that lol. By the same token, reality works fine for me. I just don't see it all as negative. I'm aware of the world's views on things. I realise that when a woman reaches a certain age everyone judges her as though she has done something wrong to have survived that long. "Oh, her? She is ooooooold!" It's like "how dare she breath?" lmao. I know people are for the most part KOO KOO. But ya gotta luv em. There are just so many things that I find entertaining. I guess I could be pissed off by those very same things. I feel that people don't ever share my anger when I actually am pissed off. I feel we should be passionate about the right things. I know we should get damn mad over many enraging things that most of us are indifferent to. I've found myself saying "Someone has to get pissed off enough to speak out--it may as well be me" Shame I suck at public speaking lol. But I do it anyways when needed. At least it got said. Out loud, to the face, eye to eye and to the right audience. My attitude is never "I can't, I'm scared" it's usually "I'm scared as hell but I'll do it anyways--here goes nothing lol" That is unless I'm certain it won't do any good at all whatsoever or could most definately do more harm.

The spinning clock suggest it's time to start getting ready for work.

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